What The Fuck?!?!

I've been gone off this blog shit for quite awhile. The time has come for me to resurface. Many O' Adventures Coontastic have I experienced since we last met. I've shaken off a few haters and gained a couple more. My baby mama is actin nuttier than squirrel shit & my new Lil bitty Bitch is tryin to be top dog at the dog house. Me & the b.m. made an agreement last year after tax time about claimin the kids for tax purposes. Since we have 3 I suggested that (NEXT YEAR which would be 2008 tax season) I claim 2 kids and she claim 1. It would only be fair since she'd been claiming 2 for the past 5 years uncontested. NO problem, she agreed willingly. No debate, no pulling teeth, no extended coversation about the agreement. No biggie I figured. This past December came and I kindly reminded her of the agreement and she kindly said she hadn't forgotten. When I get my W2's I usually wait til about March or so to file so I can have a lil change 2 play wit. Unfortunately this year, money was runnin short so I had to file early. I did what lil I could do with the few hundred I got and didn't ask her about my half until after March 23. She decides to ask me about goin half on our daughter's overrun cell phone bill. I told her take it out the tax money. Long story short, this soul crushin, money swindlin', gypsy punk bitch played me like a fuckin piano and think its finna be all good. This bitch must think I'm one of those lil Jello Pudding cups. Ain't shit sweet here. Once again this bitch got me fucked ALL the way up!!! AND she's trying to financially fuck me. I know why she's doin it; the crazy bitch think I gotta girl. NOOOOOOOO I'm married to the game!!! Since I had our youngest daughter's hair done by a chick I know. This bitch has been pissed eva since. I'm finna go to court....Child support, custody & all dat!!!

Glitches wit Bitches

I'm not gonna claim to be a pimp or hustla. However I will profess my profession as a "Playa Of the Game", and as of late I think I may have gone from part time, to full time. Many people have said since the passing of my father earlier in December, that I should get back wit my "Baby Mama". The thought of that is not comforting. I have just a lil too much action on my line to settle down right now; & although we have 3 kids 2gether --the oldest 1 I didn't create but I take care of her just the same as the younger 2, we like many other young urban people can't seem to work it out. We both have done a lot of evil, disrespectful, triflin' shit to each other. I can honestly say that much of the bullshit caused by me was precipitated by some shit she either said or did...no excuses are necessary but hey, as I see it we can't work 2gether 4 too long before we wanna kill each other. Outside of that, she has a gamut of other men/father issues that she needs to work on seriously before she could be serious about "us" & she needs to let go of the past. I understand she may not be able to forget certain things, but jeeez....gimme a break!!! Honestly I would be with her, but she rides my nerves like a slow drivin ass nigga in a Cadillac.

I dunno how my luck is goin with the other chicks on my team. I had to cut my "Lil Bitty Bitch" because I just got tired of her shit. I got 3 kids & she seemed like my 4th and 5th. Bitches is supposed to be fun to fuck wit. It stopped being fun after awhile. So I moved on a lil bit & got me a chick that I worked wit at my "summer job." This girl who we will call "Tina" was about 35yrs old and chocolate, thick & sexy to me. "Tina" thought that ya boy was a square as lame...I dunno maybe I put out a vibe that screams "thin, fraile, & non-threatening", but homegirl had me "fucked all the way up"!!! She had been sayin the whole time before we had relations that she liked guys in their 20's because they know how to "put it down", "they don't wanna just bust 1 quick nut like old ass niggas like u". BIG MISTAKE to say some old poppycock shit like dat to me!!! All in all when it was time for me to unveil the magic she pulled out my dick and was totally surprised by how much meat I had brought for lunch!!! I gave her the best fuckin of her life-- or at least of that night!!! To make a long story short, I made her have multiple orgasms to the point where she was crying and begging me to not fuck her ever again like that. She said she didn't want to cum anymore...WOW... she tried to hop off of the dick but couldn't because she said she never felt like that before. Now every one can say that I'm blowing my own horn, but I fucked her well knowing full well MY potential. I rarely underestimate myself. The next time we had relations, she popped an "X-tasy" pill and thought that she was gonna out fuck me....WRONG ANSWER AGAIN...I refuse to lose. She got served again and tried to accuse me of takin Viagra. Even though I'm just shy of 32, I don't need drugs to have sex. My dick works great. Now I will say that a lil weed & liquor will make a whole lotta shit happen but I don't need it to break a bitch off!!! Long story short I fucked her for a good 2 months maybe and then told her that I wasn't really into what we were doing anymore. She said "ok, fuck u, I'll find someone to give this good ass pussy to. You are gonna regret this!" That was about three weeks ago when that happened and she's still harassing me. I haven't fucked her in months.

Another chick that I messed around with for a minute (Mar'08-Jun'08), recently snuck and had a baby on me. We work 2gether at a school & since she came back from summer vacation, all of our co-workers have been under the impression that she is "preggo" by yours truly. NOT MINE...not even by a long shot!!! I knew I smelled somethin wrong when I first met her. She was thick as "Bear Meat" and fine ass hell(once she fixed her hair and face). She blew her cover when she came on too strong within the first week. I hadn't even fucked yet. She had just as many kids as me if not more--strike 2. Strike 3 was her constantly accusing me of tryin to fuck on the lil high school girls and all the other chicks that I knew. I have many lil female students who admire, have a crush on me, and yes there are some that I know want to fuck me, BUT I ain't goin for that. I have a daughter that is 15. I understand that fuckin a lil bitch in the school I work in is not only illegal but nasty & wrong AND "15 will get 30"yrs. I can't imagine tryin to fuck on one of my daughter's lil friends....YUCK. But anyways, I'd had enough. I'm not finna try and be wit a chick who doesn't understand that I'm a very likeable person and women will more than likely always be around me. Even better, I'm not finna be wit a chick who tries to ration out the pussy either. She too thought that I was gonna be a push over in bed. HA HA...HA ha HA!!!! Way too much "D" for her to handle. She said "tryin to ride yo dick was like torture". Whoa!!! Torture?!?!? Nonetheless since we came back everyone said she looked "knocked up" and is it yours. She tried to lie to me one time and said it was mine, but then quickly changed the story to I dunno, to I was probably "preg" when we met. Bottom line is at that time...which would have been about early to mid Sept '08 she told me she was gonna abort. No skin off of my nose cool. It wasn't even mine to worry about anyway, however she was my friend, so I did care about her and her well being and what she was gonna do. I didn't even trip when she was at the bar, drinkin hella alcohol, nor did I say anything about her smokin cigs, because she was gonna abort. She had even told people that she had tumor wow!!! Fast forward to Jan 7 2009. Everyone comes back from winter break and lo and behold this chick falls out and has a full fledged SEIZURE at work. Everyone is look at me to answer questions about her med history & family stuff and all I really can do is give the the 4 or 5 different cell phone #'s she gave me. I haven't fucked wit her since June. At the end of the day I go see her at the hospital. We chop it up a lil bit then the new nurse walks in. The nurse asks several questions then asks about the recent pregnancy. I found out she had a full term baby--8lbs 5oz.. a lil boy. WOW. Had I not been there she would not have told me. I asked her prior to the nurse was there anything that she wanted to share wit me. She said no. I'm glad that damn nurse came when she did. I'm also glad that someone at work that she's close to told me about that baby before I got there, cuz I would have clowned her ass real good!!! All in all she lost a good friend because she kept some important shit from me,-- we supposed to be tighter than that, and she's got many of our coworkers lookin at me like I'm the bad guy. I don't give a fuck about them any way but they make my job that much harder when they are in opposition to me.

The last chick on my list of talkabouts is another chick that works with us who also happened to have a seizure as well. Rewind a few weeks ago to Xmas break. She called me early in the afternoon to hook up. No problem. All she wanted was to smoke a lil, maybe have a couple of dranks and possibly some midnight relations. I made plans for about 6 or 7 that night. I being the "Coon Ass Nigga" that I am decides to get drunk wit my other bitches at the bar and then go home. Honestly after the 2nd drink I was gonna go, but we kept gettin free drinks so we stayed. I dropped my bitches off then saw that she had called me about 15 mins ago. I called back and got the green light to come over. Once I arrive, I'm greeted to the smell of good weed. She & her brother were just finishin a blunt when I came in with one all ready to go. We smoked mine, they rolled another and we smoked that one too. Big brother left then she made me get comfy. All I really remember is being sucked out of my draws into submission then putting the magnum on. After that I can't say that I remember beatin the pussy all the way up, but I do remember her sounding like a pig being stuck wit a hot branding iron. Fast forward to the next mornin...I woke up about 8ish. Sun beamin in my face...I turn my head towards her and notice that her eyes are open. She turns her head towards me, smiles then "Lambeau Leaps" out of the bed face first to the floor into a full blown SEIZURE!!! I'm not afraid of shit, but DAMN...I gotta wake up to this??? I thought I was finna get some action..NOPE!!! I got her revived and some emergency medical services. What a way to wake up!!!! Now at the job I'm known as "Killa D" because 2 of the 4 chicks that I mess wit at the job have had a seizure. Don't blame that shit on me I'm not the glitch in the matrix. "I Am The Matrix"!!!

Who's Down wit da King!?!?!

Here I sit; Once again on a cold snowy Saturday mornin, I contemplate sharing some ol' ignorant shit wit the world. I should really be on my way to my homegirl "A Never Ending Chase's" crib for our medication fest, but alas before I go I shall update ya'll on some of this past weeks B.S.
First on the list of things: My first Internet beef of 2009. I can honestly say that I may have started the beef by egging the asshole on, but he got me "fucked alll the way up" if he thinks that I act immature and I hadn't given him a reason to think that. It was all a misunderstanding on his part because he read my homegirl's blog & mistakenly thought that I was the crybaby ass broke dude that she put out of her house. NOPE -- I'm not him, but I sure did tell the ass hole who accused me of being immature a thing or two just so he would be right! Normally I don't even give people the airtime they want to get me vexed or give them the satisfaction of knowing that they've pissed me off already, I had to let dude know. So here is the email back and forth between me and him....

This is my email to him:
Date: Sunday, January 4, 2009, 12:24 PM

Hey I'm glad that ur following my homegirl's blog.....I just wanted to understand ur understanding of Mr. Smoke & Mirrors & why do u feel as though I'm immature. Maybe you should read my blog first & then judge me. Furthermore, A Never Ending Chase has been my homegirl since 9th grade. We entertain each other with "Highbrow" humor and a juvenile attitude. We exchange many stories of "Coonin' and Buffoonery"!!! It's all love between us, nuthin sexual.So why do I need to grow up again???
Tell me who needs to grow up more:

A. The girl that knows ALL the words to the 80s TV sitcom "Perfect Strangers" song

B. The dude who has many sexual exploits & decides to share his war stories with his homegirl because she does the exact same thing (and she's known for singin some old rare ass tunes from the early 70's-80's...I love that shit!!!)

C. Some prejudgemental dude who doesn't know jack SHIT about me & or the complex different personalities inside.

I dunno maybe u read my blog maybe u didn't. Maybe you read her blog wrong. Who knows?!?!? I would rather one to have a more positive outlook on myself, but in the event that that doesn't happen, oh well. Who cares???..... I can't spend the rest of my life tryin 2 please nobody but my kids & self.

All in all since I am gonna continue to be the same asshole that I was in '08 this one goes out to you -- Fuck what u think, Fuck what ya heard, if you want "grown up" take ur ass to the old folks home!!! I'll be Cyber-Coonin & Internet Mackin till my connection starts slackin.... My homie told me to wait and see what your reasons were for saying such a thing...maybe u just misunderstood me...maybe not. You ain't got to explain SHIT!!!... Fuck You Mane!!! -- There's your reason right there.
Now you can rightfully tell me to grow up!

"Enjoy life. Embrace those dear to you & sometimes even those who aren't." Happy 2009!!!

His response to mine:
WOW! First, Good Evening Mr. Smoke and Mirrors,
Word of advice don't take your press too serious.
Second, keep the safety on your mouth, it might accidentially go off and hurt yourself like Burgess from NY.
Third I was merely commenting on her individual post. Now if that is the way you two play and it's just play then why the hostility? Why the curse words on comment? You don't agree fine. No problem, no harm no foul but just reading your response indicates that maybe you do need to grow up.

Read my response to you now again especially the 2nd and third words of advice then re-read the 1st response from me.

God Bless!
Mista Jaycee

Like I said, at first it was a misunderstandin, but I had to be a coon and just jump off the damn deep end!!! Fuck 'em.... I ain't gonna lose no sleep & I DAMN sho' AIN"T GONE BE QUIET... Fuck a safety on my mouth...Freedom of Speech BITCH!!!

Freaky Friday!!!

Well well well. Here it is. The last Friday before I gotta go back to the damn slave camp. I've been off virtually the entire month of December due to my father's untimely passing. It seems as though I didn't have a vacation at all!!! Normally I would have fucked the brakes off of some young unsuspecting female or maybe even several, but alas this holiday season was pretty dry for ya boy. I must say that however in the month of December I did manage to make a young lady cry real tears beacuse she "did not want to cum anymore!!!" & another young lady decided to "Lambeau Leap" out of the bed onto the floor into some kind of seizure before a nice good mornin' romp in the sheets. WHAT THE FUCK???
My phone normally rings nonstop especially on the days that I have my kids. Since the nite of December 31st 2008, my shit has been virtually silent!!! Maybe my hoes knew not to fuck wit me in 2009. Time for a new crop of Biatches!!! I'm gonna be puttin up an application for anybody with a twat, cunt, & or vagina to be down with your boy -- of course there are gonna be some minimum requirements so errbody need not apply!!!
As I sit back and blissfully waste this fine 1st Friday evening of 2K9, I sit and wonder in amazement how did I survive this past year??? Thanx to the man up above Amen...

Happy New Years Bitches!!!

For some, the new year is a time for reflecting on the past year's events & making adjustments for the current year. Many people make plans to make "changes" or to switch up their formula so that they can have a more successful year. Others begin to rearrange friendships, associates, & associations. While I have subscribed to many of these things in the past years, this year I'm switchin it up. I Ain't Changin Shit this year!!! (With the exception of my draws, sheets, that Magnum XL after I'm done swirlin a bitch guts like cotton candy & possibly my cell phone #) I stand on that. Whats the point in makin a resolution knowing full well I'm not gonna change. Why wait till the begining of the year to try and change. I wasn't thinkin abut resolvin some shit say around March. Nor am I thinkin about changin my lifestyle after the whole X-mas in July or even in August when school is about to start back up.

What I may try and do differently in 2009 is:

1. Smoke only "white boy" Marijuana with a name. Preferably "The Shit that Killed Elvis" as I like to call it. No more "Mid grade bullshit". I thought it was "Indo" this is "Pretendo" crap. This is where quality vs quantity is appropriate. Too many infant bags of weed goin around in the city. Last time I checked a quarter meant a certain amount of grams (5-7 dependin on where u are and who you know) in 1 bag. Nowadays these assholes will try and sell you a lil bag of cock hairs, sage, sticks & stones -- 4-5 lil ass bags for the $20. Fuuuuuuuuuuck dat. Gimme the weed N!gga

2. Try not to chase the cat!!! I LOOOOVE PUSSY!!! I can't help it if I will rearrange my whole day for a good shot. I'm motivated by 3 things...Money, Pussy, & Weed...Food & Liquor even out my top 5. I've figured out a few things over this past year. I'm cold with this pole & Imma fool wit this tool!!! I've given some of these Mid Western Chix some of the best dick of the night-- it might not have been of their life!!! I just made a chick have a seizure from this dick. Prior to that I had a bitch twisted up like one of Auntie Annie's pretzels "crying" because she didn't want to have ANY MORE Orgasms!!! All in all I'm cold & I shouldn't be tryin 2 chase these hos down to give them some of this good good. Break Bread Bitches!!!

3. Make more money by any means necessary!!! No homo shit though. I don't suck dick for dollaz. I ain't doin' no slave shit either. If I have to cut niggas throats this year or possibly sock it to a bitch pocket, thats what its gonna be!!!

Gone head, Fuck wit me!!!

Here I Am!!!

Welcome all welcome. Allow me to introduce myself. I am a 31 yr old single Black male with 3 beautiful children(2 girls ages 15 & 6 & 1 boy age 9). I pride myself on keeping steady employment and AT LEAST 1 other job. Although I would love time for romance, there is no time for games & many women here in this city play waaay too many games -- play "THE" game not the playa!!!
I HAVE no interest in that bullshit mane!!! Throughout my day I sit back and quietly observe a whole lotta shit. Some of the shit I see is quite comedic whereas there are other instances where it is some complete bullshit!!! All in all since I'm new to this bloggin shit, I just wanted to let errbody know, this is as nice as I'm gonna be. My language is very foul, my ideas maybe bizzare and strange. I don't really give a ratsass about a whole lotta shit. If you think I'm gonna lose sleep because you don't like me or what I'm sayin' think again...I do waaay too much for anybody 2 deprive me of my sleep (of course my kids are SEMI-exempt from that. I will fall asleep on they lil asses too!!). Since this is my first post or rather my devirginizing on the web, I'm going to clamber out of cyber-space & get back to the real world!!! I'll give up some good shit L8r on 2nite after my daughter's birthday adventure!!!